a difference in orientation

Something occured to me besides the fact that this marriage is infact the culmination of TWO or more failed, adulterated relationships  for me.

She's looking forward to things. Like cruises and company coming for the holidays. 

I'm not.

She dreams about homes she's had, and new places to live.

I'm certain any comfort or security I perceive as permanent is going to end. 

Traveling for work is well... Work. Dealing with people for work, helping solve problems/fix things, tec. Is what I'm paid to do. Do I enjoy it? Yes. Most of the time.

Why should I look forward to coming home?

It's literally an internal struggle for me where my very existence is burdensome. Often just to myself